God's will

This weekend, I was thinking about choices and if/how the choices we make can affect God's will for us. We have been "blessed" with free will.  I put the word blessed in quotation marks, because sometimes our selfishness, greed, stubbornness, etc can lead us to make choices that just aren't the best.  However, despite our choices and their outcome, God continues to love us.  When you think about it, that's pretty awesome.  Sometimes the people in our lives don't always do that.  Sometimes we experience scorn, ridicule, and alienation when we make choices that others don't understand or agree with.

In the world, there are circumstances that affect our choices.  For example, if you're offered a job, you have some time to think about whether to accept the job, but you're typically not given an unlimited amount of time to do so.  Clearly, the job you choose can have a long-term effect on you, and there is not really a way to determine if this job will be best for you months or years down the road.  When my car was totaled in a wreck several years ago, the other person's insurance company only gave me a certain amount of time to have a rental car.  Buying a car is a big choice.  Clearly, we often have finite windows of time to make choices that can affect us for a long time.

In my thirtysomething years on this planet, I've made "good" choices and "bad" choices.  Sometimes the choices that seemed good at the time have had positive outcomes and sometimes they've had negative outcomes.  Sometimes the choices that seemed bad at the time have had short-term positive outcomes (but usually long-term negative ones), and sometimes they've had negative outcomes from the beginning.

With all of this being said, I have to wonder how I know when these choices are in line with God's will.  How do I know that I am truly following God's will?  I think about this most often when I've made decisions that seemed to be in my best interest in both the short- and long-run & then these choices have fallen apart.

I don't expect any of you readers to have an answer for me, as I think this is probably something that all believers struggle with.  I really want to get these thoughts out of my head and into words.  I pray that God will continue to guide me in my choices, that I will choose the paths that will benefit me long-term and that I will make the right choice instead of the popular one.

There's something about April

Shortly before leaving work, I learned of the explosions during the Boston Marathon.  While this will not be a "flashbulb memory" for me, I am haunted tonight by TV, Facebook, and Twitter images.  I just don't understand the violence in this world.  Whether this act of terrorism was foreign or home-grown, so many lives are now forever changed.  Frankly, I am scared and feel like a little girl who just wants her mom and dad to make everything better.

Today's incident, of course, only brought to mind the other tragedies that have befallen this country in April:  Waco (1993), Oklahoma City (1995), Columbine (1999), and Virginia Tech (2007).  If they haven't already, the conspiracy theorists are likely spinning some stories of how all these incidents are related to one another.  That's hardly the point, though.

I'm heavy-hearted tonight.  There are no other words; just sadness.

Thank you

Since losing my job almost 5 months ago, I've been working part-time as a nanny/babysitter.  Apparently, there is a fundamental difference in the two, but that's really not relevant to this post.

Anyway, the children I care for are 2 and 5 years old (both have birthdays in April).   I grew up knowing the "magic words" and really try to teach J and K to say please and thank you.  Those of you who are parents know that this can be an ongoing battle.  All of us who were taught those magic words know that their power extends beyond getting a snack or a glass of chocolate milk, both of which are huge for J & K.  They definitely extend into adulthood.

This has been a productive week in my job search, and I'm feeling more positive than I have in a long time.  While driving home from a meeting tonight, I realized that I hadn't really thanked God for the positive movement I've seen this week.  Much like I have to tell the kiddos on a daily basis, I felt like God was saying "What do you need to say?"  It made me realize how often I forget to thank God for everything He's given me.  It can be easy to pray when things are tough or when we need something.    How often, though, do we remember to say those magic words to our Lord?

What are you thankful for right now?  How has God moved in your life?

Let Go and Let God

Today I had a great, honest conversation with my mom.  Those talks are very special to me.  I love when we can laugh about silly things, but I also love her insight and honesty.  It's wonderful we can both laugh and cry in a phone conversation that lasts less than an hour.

I feel like my life is in such a state of chaos and confusion right now.  There's a lot of uncertainty, and I'm really scared.  I'm working on the world's timeline right now, which is unavoidable.  Specific events will occur at a designated time whether or not we have accomplished certain things.  Before you start to argue with me, let me give you an example.  College seniors are probably anxious about finding jobs after their graduation.  Their graduation date will occur regardless of whether they have a job or not.  That's just the way the world works.

Right now, I'm trying so hard to trust in God's plan for me during this point of uncertainty in my life.  My mom's words were "let go and let God'.  I really am trying to do this.  I'm feel like I'm doing everything that I can to change the chaos and confusion, to bring certainty to what is so uncertain right now.  At the same time, I'm trying to trust God.  God knows what I want, but He also has a good and perfect will for me.  I know that God will reveal that at the perfect time.

With all this rambling, I'm not sure what I was wanting to say when I sat down at my keyboard.  I guess my question is how I trust God's plan for me when I'm dealing with a very real timeline?

New Year's Eve musings

In a few hours, a new year will begin.  I'm not one to make resolutions, as I always seem to break them.  There are definitely things I want to change and ways I want to improve my life.  There seem to be so many, though, that trying to change them all in one year gets overwhelming.  Instead, I like to think back on the lessons I learned in the previous year in an attempt to not keep making the same mistakes.  Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

This year has taught me many things.  I've had some great experiences, as well as many moments I'd rather not go through again.  I've learned that it's okay to step out and try new things.  It won't always be good, but it's better than wondering "what if".  Because of this, I want to be less fearful in 2013.  I want to be more comfortable continuing to try new things, opening myself up to new experiences and relationships.  I've learned that actions speak louder than words.  It's very easy to say "trust me" or "I promise", but it's meaningless unless you do what you say and keep those promises.  Because of this, I will likely be less trusting of people until they've proven themselves to me.  Finally, I've learned that I am truly blessed.  There are many people who care about me and make an effort to be a part of my life.  I have family members who are like friends and friends who are like family.  What more could anyone ask for?

In the coming year, I want to pray more, laugh more, love more, and give more.  May all of you have a blessed 2013.

It's the most wonderful time of the year??i

Today is December 9.  It's another humid day in Houston, although a "cold" front is supposed to be coming through tonight.  It doesn't feel like December and it really doesn't feel like Christmas.  I've had so many other things on my mind during the past few weeks, and I feel like I've missed the "peace on earth and good will toward men" memo.  I haven't been rude to anyone, or at least I hope I haven't.  I'm just tired, stressed, and a bit cynical lately.

I know that there is still time to feel the spirit of the season, but I'm beginning to realize that this may be a year that I just sort of "miss" Christmas.  Has anyone else felt this way?  Like you were just sort of going through the motions and the next thing you know it's December 26?  I've had those years before, but I was really hoping to "feel" Christmas this year.  My dad's side of the family is getting together for the first time in a long time.  It's going to be lots of crazy fun, and I don't want to miss out on the joy of Christmas with the people I love most in this world.

I need suggestions.  How can I really get in the spirit of Christmas?  Have you ever "missed" Christmas?  How do I put aside my fatigue, stress, and cynicism for the next few days?  How can I be a kid and feel the joy that should come with this season?

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving eve, everyone.  Thanksgiving has always had a special place in my heart, as it is a holiday where my fun, but slightly dysfunctional, family comes together to eat, drink, and engage in general merriment.  The food is always plentiful and it's a time to enjoy one another without the stress that is generally involved with Christmas and gift-giving.

I'm not sure when the trend began, but several of my Facebook friends post something they are thankful for each day of the month of November.  I enjoy reading them and seeing how others recognize their blessings.  I think that the concept is great and all, but come December 1, the thanks seem to be forgotten until November comes around again.  That part is kind of sad, as some of these same people will be complaining about their job, car, spouse, kids, etc once they turn the calendar to December.  Life is not a bed of roses, but I think that we should all remember the blessings in our lives every day.  It can be much easier to think about what we don't have (a spouse, children, a nice car or house, a job), but I think that when we focus on what we do have, we appreciate it more.

As I prepare to gather around the table with members of my family, I know that someone will inevitably say something that will cause someone else to have hurt feelings.  There will be plenty of food (perhaps too much), laughs, and possibly tears.  It will not be a Norman Rockwell type of Thanksgiving.  However, this is my family, and I am grateful to have them in my life.  We are not perfect, but we love one another.  I am so blessed to have friends who are like family and family who are like friends.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.