A look back...A look to the future

Just over two years ago, I started this blog.  I just re-read my first post and spent some time reflecting on how much my life has changed in the past 24 months.  Two years ago, I was in a pretty difficult place in my life.  I wasn't working full-time and I was single.  I'd figured that many of the goals I'd hoped for in my life were simply not in God's plan for me.  I was trying to find contentment in what I believed was God's plan for my life.  Little did I know that what was really His plan for me could be so much better than anything I'd dreamed of when I was in my college years or early 20s.

You see, about eight months after I wrote my first blog post, I met a man whose life had recently taken turn he'd never imagined and he was trying to determine God's plan for his own life.  We both took a chance in meeting one another and what a wonderful blessing it has turned out to be.  On Thanksgiving 2014, this wonderful man asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, and I happily agreed.  You never know where life will take you and what amazing things God has planned for your life.

Stephen, thank you for unexpectedly coming into my life.  I love you with all my heart, and I can't wait to see all the adventures we'll take together.

Breaking down the Lord's Prayer

Earlier this year, I joined a weekly Bible study at my church.  We are doing an in depth study of the gospel of Matthew, and I have really learned so much in the time I've been a part of this group.  We are facilitated by lay people in the parish, but some of them just have so much knowledge to share.  Last week, we covered chapter 6, which is part of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus taught people what we now know as the Lord's Prayer.  Before we left, we were given a handout that I wanted to share.  Catholics recite the Lord's Prayer each week at Mass.  Do any of us, though, really think about what we're saying when we say these words?  Let me share this link, which is the same info as what we received in our handout last week:

http://catholicdr.com/faithbuilders/Preview%20-%20Our%20Father.pdf

The next time you pray these words, think about what you're truly saying.  Think about the power behind these words.

Blessed be the name of The Lord

I was feeling the desire to blog tonight.  I've been sitting at my computer for a while this evening trying to figure out what to share.  I know that I've been absent from the blogging world.  Things have been good overall, which is part of why I haven't sat down to share what's going on in my thirtysomething world. I've been busy, and when things have been more challenging, I've retreated like the introvert that I am.

It wasn't until tonight that I realized how long it had been since I've shared anything.  This sums up my thoughts and feelings far better than I ever could.

In the midst of good times, bad times, and uncertain times, God is there and He loves us.  May we all remember that.

Peace,

Jessica

God Speaking

I'm a worrier.  I always have been, and to some extent, I always will be.  In the past two or three weeks, though, I've been worrying less.  God has been speaking to me, showing me signs that things are okay, that I'm where I should be in so many aspects of my life.  I'd love to elaborate specifically, and a few people know the details, but I've been hearing songs on the radio, seeing visual signs letting me know that I'm on the right path.  I'm a stubborn soul, and I guess I needed God to practically yell at me to let me know that things are okay.  On Saturday, March 1, the gospel reading at Church was Matthew 6: 24-34.  This is the pretty well known gospel about not worrying.  In it, Jesus assures us that we'll be all right, that we shouldn't worry because God takes care of the flowers and the birds, and that as His children, we're even more important.  To me, the most essential line is Matthew 6:34, which says "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.  Sufficient for a day is its own evil"

I can't tell you know many times I've heard this gospel reading, whether as a child or an adult.  However, last weekend, while standing in church next to the man I love, it really hit home how much I do worry and how worrying is a sin because it means that I am not trusting God and His plan for me.

Have I completely stopped worrying since last weekend?  Not at all.  I'm a planner by nature.  I like to know what's going to happen and want to be prepared for the worst case scenario.  However, worrying doesn't stop the bad things from happening.  It only stops you from enjoying the good.

For now, I pray that I will continue on this path of worrying less and trusting God more.  My eyes, ears, and heart are open to signs that I'm following God's will for my life.  Speak Lord, for I am listening.

Imperfection

As a believer in Christ, I am comfortable being flawed.  I am not supposed to be perfect, and that's a good thing.  Being perfect takes a lot of work; it's a lot of pressure to never mess up, to never let them see you sweat.  As a type-A personality, though, I feel the need to always do my best, and I often feel that my best is just not good enough.  More often than not, I feel that I can always do better, and I will beat myself up over the smallest mistakes and make myself sick with worry.

I don't see that going anyway anytime soon, but I feel inspired after learning about Brene Brown and watching her TED talks.  Dr. Brown is on faculty at University of Houston and researches vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness.  She also works with professionals who want to facilitate her work in their places of employment.

This is a long talk, almost 20 minutes, but I believe it's worth the time.

I recently purchased her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  I plan to share my thoughts on her research in future blog postings.  I hope her writing will benefit me, as well as many of you who may struggle with feeling unworthy.  I'm encouraged that it's based on research data, even though it's not written from a biblical standpoint.  Oh, and if the book is a bust, you may find my copy at Half-Price books. :)

Who's afraid of the big, bad bully?

There's been a fair amount of talk in the media lately about a Miami Dolphins football player who is accusing teammates of bullying him.  I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the whole story, but I just have to wonder if bullying is being blown out of proportion.

I was picked on as a kid.  I was awkward, insecure, and shy.  Although I always tried to be nice to everyone, I just didn't have a lot of friends growing up.  I worked hard in school and was smart, but I vividly remember being picked last for practically everything in school, including academic things.  I don't remember much of the bullying going on outside of school.  There were no prank phone calls, and since there was no social media, I didn't have to worry about Facebook or ugly emails after school or on weekends.  Thank goodness for that.  Kids these days don't have that escape.

Bullying is in the eye of the victim, and what one person considers bullying may not be considered by bullying by someone else.  This Miami Dolphins player may feel victimized, and that's really unfortunate.  Even as adults, we never seem to completely move past that junior high mentality of playing mind games and being mean to people.

What happened to me was not considered bullying, then or now.  When I was young, bullies were the kids who started fights with the smaller, weaker kids or stole the class nerd's lunch money.  What happened to me was explained by my parents as "People who treat you this way aren't your friends".  Well, I knew that, but what I never knew was why people seemed so set on making life miserable for me.

I'm not sure the point of this blog post.  I don't need apologies from the people who treated me poorly while I was growing up.  At this point, they would be insincere & nothing would be accomplished by it.  You can't do undo the past, but I think we can all benefit from treating others with a little more kindness and decency.

My first book review

Earlier this summer, I attended a networking event where the speaker was talking about, among other topics, finding your passion and considering making a career of it.  Those of you who know me well know that I love to read.  I picked up my first book at a very early age, and I haven't really stopped reading since then.  As a bibliophile, I thought it might be interesting to try my hand at reviewing the books I read.  I don't really have a certain genre of books I prefer, but since I discovered the author Jodi Picoult, I've really enjoyed her books and have read almost every one of them.  

This summer, I read and was really moved by her novel The Storyteller.  This was a book about a young woman who works at night in a bakery.  Think for a moment about the types of people who choose to work at night, and you'll realize why Sage is well-suited for this job.  Sage in a grief support group due to the tragic loss of her mother and befriends an older gentleman, with whom she feels she can rely and trust.  As they get to know one another, secrets are shared and Sage must decide what to do with some troubling information that she learns from her new friend.  This is a book about family, secrets, and those tough moral choices we may face in our lives.  As Jodi Picoult so brilliantly does (and not every author can), this novel changes in time and narrator.  The characters are so very complex and well-developed, and it was easy for me to identify with the difficulty in the choices they're forced to make.  

As I read this book, I found myself dreaming about the characters at night and thinking about them during the day.  This is a novel that I wanted to tell my friends, family, and random strangers about. I love to read and find it reasonably easy to identify with the characters in my favorite novels, it's rare to find a story that haunts me so much.  It's rare to find a story where I'm sad when it ends because I'm having to say goodbye to people who have impacted my life,  This is a book that I want people to read.  I feel that I walked away from this novel as a different person.   I learned that while I cannot escape my past and that it has impacted the woman I am now, it doesn't have to dictate my future.  One can move past the difficulties and losses of yesterday into the future.  I've learned that my past does not define me; it's just the past.  That’s a really powerful thing.

I've included the link on Amazon to this book, as I'd encourage you to consider reading it.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439102767/ref=s9_psimh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1FJXAMRTWAYF7QC6FCV7&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1389517282&pf_rd_i=507846

I've recently joined a book club and I will attend their first meeting next month.  I'm excited to share my love of books with some new friends, and maybe with my blog readers as well.  So, if there's anyone out there reading this who cares to respond, do you like my idea of posting book reviews on occasion, or do you prefer my random musings about my daily life?