Who's afraid of the big, bad bully?

There's been a fair amount of talk in the media lately about a Miami Dolphins football player who is accusing teammates of bullying him.  I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the whole story, but I just have to wonder if bullying is being blown out of proportion.

I was picked on as a kid.  I was awkward, insecure, and shy.  Although I always tried to be nice to everyone, I just didn't have a lot of friends growing up.  I worked hard in school and was smart, but I vividly remember being picked last for practically everything in school, including academic things.  I don't remember much of the bullying going on outside of school.  There were no prank phone calls, and since there was no social media, I didn't have to worry about Facebook or ugly emails after school or on weekends.  Thank goodness for that.  Kids these days don't have that escape.

Bullying is in the eye of the victim, and what one person considers bullying may not be considered by bullying by someone else.  This Miami Dolphins player may feel victimized, and that's really unfortunate.  Even as adults, we never seem to completely move past that junior high mentality of playing mind games and being mean to people.

What happened to me was not considered bullying, then or now.  When I was young, bullies were the kids who started fights with the smaller, weaker kids or stole the class nerd's lunch money.  What happened to me was explained by my parents as "People who treat you this way aren't your friends".  Well, I knew that, but what I never knew was why people seemed so set on making life miserable for me.

I'm not sure the point of this blog post.  I don't need apologies from the people who treated me poorly while I was growing up.  At this point, they would be insincere & nothing would be accomplished by it.  You can't do undo the past, but I think we can all benefit from treating others with a little more kindness and decency.

My first book review

Earlier this summer, I attended a networking event where the speaker was talking about, among other topics, finding your passion and considering making a career of it.  Those of you who know me well know that I love to read.  I picked up my first book at a very early age, and I haven't really stopped reading since then.  As a bibliophile, I thought it might be interesting to try my hand at reviewing the books I read.  I don't really have a certain genre of books I prefer, but since I discovered the author Jodi Picoult, I've really enjoyed her books and have read almost every one of them.  

This summer, I read and was really moved by her novel The Storyteller.  This was a book about a young woman who works at night in a bakery.  Think for a moment about the types of people who choose to work at night, and you'll realize why Sage is well-suited for this job.  Sage in a grief support group due to the tragic loss of her mother and befriends an older gentleman, with whom she feels she can rely and trust.  As they get to know one another, secrets are shared and Sage must decide what to do with some troubling information that she learns from her new friend.  This is a book about family, secrets, and those tough moral choices we may face in our lives.  As Jodi Picoult so brilliantly does (and not every author can), this novel changes in time and narrator.  The characters are so very complex and well-developed, and it was easy for me to identify with the difficulty in the choices they're forced to make.  

As I read this book, I found myself dreaming about the characters at night and thinking about them during the day.  This is a novel that I wanted to tell my friends, family, and random strangers about. I love to read and find it reasonably easy to identify with the characters in my favorite novels, it's rare to find a story that haunts me so much.  It's rare to find a story where I'm sad when it ends because I'm having to say goodbye to people who have impacted my life,  This is a book that I want people to read.  I feel that I walked away from this novel as a different person.   I learned that while I cannot escape my past and that it has impacted the woman I am now, it doesn't have to dictate my future.  One can move past the difficulties and losses of yesterday into the future.  I've learned that my past does not define me; it's just the past.  That’s a really powerful thing.

I've included the link on Amazon to this book, as I'd encourage you to consider reading it.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439102767/ref=s9_psimh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1FJXAMRTWAYF7QC6FCV7&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1389517282&pf_rd_i=507846

I've recently joined a book club and I will attend their first meeting next month.  I'm excited to share my love of books with some new friends, and maybe with my blog readers as well.  So, if there's anyone out there reading this who cares to respond, do you like my idea of posting book reviews on occasion, or do you prefer my random musings about my daily life?  

God's will

This weekend, I was thinking about choices and if/how the choices we make can affect God's will for us. We have been "blessed" with free will.  I put the word blessed in quotation marks, because sometimes our selfishness, greed, stubbornness, etc can lead us to make choices that just aren't the best.  However, despite our choices and their outcome, God continues to love us.  When you think about it, that's pretty awesome.  Sometimes the people in our lives don't always do that.  Sometimes we experience scorn, ridicule, and alienation when we make choices that others don't understand or agree with.

In the world, there are circumstances that affect our choices.  For example, if you're offered a job, you have some time to think about whether to accept the job, but you're typically not given an unlimited amount of time to do so.  Clearly, the job you choose can have a long-term effect on you, and there is not really a way to determine if this job will be best for you months or years down the road.  When my car was totaled in a wreck several years ago, the other person's insurance company only gave me a certain amount of time to have a rental car.  Buying a car is a big choice.  Clearly, we often have finite windows of time to make choices that can affect us for a long time.

In my thirtysomething years on this planet, I've made "good" choices and "bad" choices.  Sometimes the choices that seemed good at the time have had positive outcomes and sometimes they've had negative outcomes.  Sometimes the choices that seemed bad at the time have had short-term positive outcomes (but usually long-term negative ones), and sometimes they've had negative outcomes from the beginning.

With all of this being said, I have to wonder how I know when these choices are in line with God's will.  How do I know that I am truly following God's will?  I think about this most often when I've made decisions that seemed to be in my best interest in both the short- and long-run & then these choices have fallen apart.

I don't expect any of you readers to have an answer for me, as I think this is probably something that all believers struggle with.  I really want to get these thoughts out of my head and into words.  I pray that God will continue to guide me in my choices, that I will choose the paths that will benefit me long-term and that I will make the right choice instead of the popular one.

There's something about April

Shortly before leaving work, I learned of the explosions during the Boston Marathon.  While this will not be a "flashbulb memory" for me, I am haunted tonight by TV, Facebook, and Twitter images.  I just don't understand the violence in this world.  Whether this act of terrorism was foreign or home-grown, so many lives are now forever changed.  Frankly, I am scared and feel like a little girl who just wants her mom and dad to make everything better.

Today's incident, of course, only brought to mind the other tragedies that have befallen this country in April:  Waco (1993), Oklahoma City (1995), Columbine (1999), and Virginia Tech (2007).  If they haven't already, the conspiracy theorists are likely spinning some stories of how all these incidents are related to one another.  That's hardly the point, though.

I'm heavy-hearted tonight.  There are no other words; just sadness.

Thank you

Since losing my job almost 5 months ago, I've been working part-time as a nanny/babysitter.  Apparently, there is a fundamental difference in the two, but that's really not relevant to this post.

Anyway, the children I care for are 2 and 5 years old (both have birthdays in April).   I grew up knowing the "magic words" and really try to teach J and K to say please and thank you.  Those of you who are parents know that this can be an ongoing battle.  All of us who were taught those magic words know that their power extends beyond getting a snack or a glass of chocolate milk, both of which are huge for J & K.  They definitely extend into adulthood.

This has been a productive week in my job search, and I'm feeling more positive than I have in a long time.  While driving home from a meeting tonight, I realized that I hadn't really thanked God for the positive movement I've seen this week.  Much like I have to tell the kiddos on a daily basis, I felt like God was saying "What do you need to say?"  It made me realize how often I forget to thank God for everything He's given me.  It can be easy to pray when things are tough or when we need something.    How often, though, do we remember to say those magic words to our Lord?

What are you thankful for right now?  How has God moved in your life?

Let Go and Let God

Today I had a great, honest conversation with my mom.  Those talks are very special to me.  I love when we can laugh about silly things, but I also love her insight and honesty.  It's wonderful we can both laugh and cry in a phone conversation that lasts less than an hour.

I feel like my life is in such a state of chaos and confusion right now.  There's a lot of uncertainty, and I'm really scared.  I'm working on the world's timeline right now, which is unavoidable.  Specific events will occur at a designated time whether or not we have accomplished certain things.  Before you start to argue with me, let me give you an example.  College seniors are probably anxious about finding jobs after their graduation.  Their graduation date will occur regardless of whether they have a job or not.  That's just the way the world works.

Right now, I'm trying so hard to trust in God's plan for me during this point of uncertainty in my life.  My mom's words were "let go and let God'.  I really am trying to do this.  I'm feel like I'm doing everything that I can to change the chaos and confusion, to bring certainty to what is so uncertain right now.  At the same time, I'm trying to trust God.  God knows what I want, but He also has a good and perfect will for me.  I know that God will reveal that at the perfect time.

With all this rambling, I'm not sure what I was wanting to say when I sat down at my keyboard.  I guess my question is how I trust God's plan for me when I'm dealing with a very real timeline?